Exclusive eco-Poll

(Aspen, Colorado) Here at ecoEnquirer, we take our readers' opinions very seriously. That is why we commissioned the famed pollster, John Bogzy, to devise eight separate pseudo-scientific polls where you, our loyal fans, can express your opinions on a variety of environmental subjects.

We sat down with Mr. Bogzy recently and asked him to explain to all of you what the pool results (at least as they stand on the eve of April 1, 2006) meant to him.

ecoEnquirer: Thanks for talking with us today, sir. I trust you safely made it through the throng of demonstrators in front of ecoEnquirer's offices? Good. First of all, tell us about the poll question that has been the most popular with ecoEnquirer readers.
Mr. Bogzy: Our most popular poll question has been, "How worried are you about global warming?" So far, only 6% of the respondents are "very worried", and only 7% are so worried that they believe "we're all gonna die!" as a result of global warming. In stark contrast, fully 51% say they are "not at all" worried. This suggests one of two things to me: either the public is relatively immune to media fear mongering over global warming threats, or a lot of people still have their heads in the sand. Finally, fully 29% of those polled said "we're all gonna die anyway", revealing that nearly one-third of the population is quite cynical about the whole global warming issue.

ecoEnquirer: Ahh, a very astute and enlightening analysis, Mr. Bogzy. Which poll was next in line as a favorite?
Mr. Bogzy: "Who is your favorite environmentalist?" was also a popular poll question. This is consistent with the public's fascination with famous personalities and political figures. It is very revealing that two of our most famous environmentalists, Al Gore and RFK, Jr. received only 6% and 3% of the total votes, respectively. Of the remaining famous environmentalists, rocker-turned-bow-hunter Ted Nugent currently has a comfortable lead over President Bush, with 50% versus Bush's 41% of the vote. These results do note bode well for the popularity of Al Gore's global warming movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", to be released in May.

ecoEnquirer: Um-hmm. Which poll is next, sir?
Mr. Bogzy: The results of the next poll question, "Do animals have rights?" were very interesting. Only 8% answered with an unequivocal "yes" that animals do have rights, while fully 57% agreed with the answer "Only the cute ones". I suspect that this is consistent with the widespread observation that people don't eat their own pets. Finally, 31% said that "no", animals do not have rights. I think that it would be especially interesting to poll some animals, to see how they feel about these attitudes...

ecoEnquirer: Cool....that's really interesting. Please (yawn) continue.
Mr. Bogzy: When we asked your web site visitors "What is the biggest threat to humanity?" we were surprised to see that only 19% viewed that threat to be 'terrorism'. Even more astounding was that only 7% said that 'global warming' was the biggest threat. Widespread distrust of environmentalists was revealed by the fact that almost one-third (29%) viewed 'radical environmentalism' to be the biggest threat to humanity. The environmental organization Earth First! should be very happy to see that they are having their intended influence on the public. But the most popular response by far to our "biggest threat to humanity" question was 'Idiots that don't think like me'. It looks that that individualistic spirit is still alive and well in America!

ecoEnquirer: That is fascinating…(sigh)…we have time for one more poll question. I see you have some results on the question of how America's future energy needs should be met.
Mr. Bogzy: Yes, the public has some definite opinions on the question "How should we meet increasing demands for electricity?". Policymakers and the electric utilities would be well-advised to pay attention to these results. Consistent with American's uncanny ability to find cost-effective and efficient solutions to technical problems, the most popular answer by far (42% of those polled) was to simply add "more wall outlets". I'm not sure that anyone has seriously looked at this possibility, but it should at least be explored in view of its popularity with our citizens. The next most popular answer, at 36%, was to add "more nuclear" to our energy mix, which was much more popular than "more coal" (11%), more solar (9%), or "more wind" power, which trickled in at less than 2%. So it seems there is resurgence in the popularity of nuclear power in this country.

ecoEnquirer: zzzz…hmm?....Oh, thank you for that insightful analysis, sir. I trust you will return with periodic updates of the results from these polls?
Mr. Bogzy: Yes, you can count on it.

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